#ACESLIST - NYE EDITION
I’d like to do something a little different for today’s installment of #AcesList…
Since it’s New Years Eve, of course it’s time for everyone to recap the year. Instagram is full of folks remembering the moments that made 2019 whatever it was for them — either really positive and successful or really rough and negative. With it also being the beginning of a new decade, we’re even more nostalgic than usual because it’s fun to consider where you were in 2010 vs. where you’ll be in 2020. This last ten years has felt like an eternity in my life. I moved to Dallas from a terrible year in Houston right after college, then got into a relationship, shared an apt with that boyfriend, moved out promptly 6 months later (ha!), moved back home for a little while and then moved into my own solo apt…and that’s where I felt like my adult life really started to blossom. I was happy with my job at the time, making new friends, hosting gatherings at my house, spending lots of time with my family and just overall enjoying life. Then, a few years passed and I started to get a little restless (true to form, I’m never satisfied smh). I decided to move to NYC and started to put my plan in action. I’ve been here since 2014 and as I’ve mentioned a million times it’s been a WHIRLWIND ever since I touched down in this crazy place.
But tracing back to this year, I’ll be honest and say that 2019 has been really challenging for me. I’m happy to say goodbye and usher in a new year/decade at midnight. 2019 was full of heartache, professional issues, lots of second-guessing myself and feeling inadequate when it comes to this blog/social media/my brand, a health scare, friendship woes, etc. I spent a lot of time crying and wishing things turned out differently. But, as you know, I finally decided to prioritize my mental health and self care this year and relentlessly searched for a therapist that would be the right fit for me. I’ve only been going to my current therapist since September but I already feel like she’s helping me see things differently and she’s given me tools to get through life’s trials. So, in the spirit of looking forward with a positive outlook for this new year, today’s list will be a reflection of the lessons I’ve learned this year. I’m using these lessons to propel me forward and I’ll check this space whenever I need a reminder along the way.
Here we go…
#1
Don’t let anyone steal your voice.
I’ve always prided myself on being vocal — I’m the mouthpiece of the family, I speak for those that won’t (or can’t) speak for themselves. I’ve often felt like this trait was my gift and my curse. People love me and hate me for it lol. But, this year I was challenged with situations that made realize that I don’t always feel comfortable saying what’s on my heart, what I know to be true, when the opportunity presents itself. With that said, I’ve also learned that it’s not always necessary to have the last word. Sometimes, your silence speaks for you. It’s a constant balance that I’ll likely continue to struggle with but at least I’ve identified that it’s something I need to continue to work on.
#2
Maintaining friendships as an adult won’t always be easy.
I’ve had a few friends over the years that fell off because we realized we weren’t compatible anymore or maybe because some monumental situation tore us apart. But mostly, my core adult friends have stayed securely in my circle. This year, I was faced with taking stock of some of my closest friendships. And let me tell you, it’s been painful. I’ll just say that not everyone can come with you throughout every season of your life. And maybe that’s ok…God doesn’t make any mistakes and if he’s pausing or dissolving some of your friendships, it’s for a reason (that will hopefully be revealed to you, in time).
#3
Wait on God to bring you the right person.
Whew, I don’t even know where to start with this one. Heartbreak is rough. It never gets any easier. I’d argue that it actually gets harder each time. So, I’m waiting on God in 2020. God, I know you know the desires of my heart and you’ll bring them to me when the time is right. Amen.
#4
Learn to implement some compassionate boundaries in your life.
Since Sept, my therapist has been preaching to me about compassionate boundaries (in her super sweet way). We’ve discussed them in the context of romantic relationships AND friendships and I’m finally starting to realize how important they really are. We had a session this month where I was ranting about something that happened and she started giving me her advice on how to move forward. Literally in the midst of her talking, I had an epiphany — the lightbulb went off that she was teaching me the same lesson in this situation that she had previously taught me in a totally different situation (with another person). Boundaries, yall. Get you some lol. Don’t let people run all over you, don’t let them drop their baggage in your lap for you to deal with. Don’t let them upset you to the point of getting out of your character to respond. Tell people ‘no’ when it’s necessary. Or don’t engage at all when you can’t find the right words. Love people from afar if you have to. Basically, put your peace on a pedestal and do whatever it takes to keep it there.
Those are the most powerful lessons I’ve learned this year. I hope reading this blesses you in some way. I want my blog to be a safe space to discuss life’s issues and triumphs in addition to showing you some cute outfits along the way. I’ll speak about my goals and what I have planned for 2020 once I map it all out and pray over the plan.
As always, I love you for reading and I’m wishing you the very best as we embark on new territory. May God bring you all of your heart’s desires. Be a blessing to someone else and watch the blessings flow in your life. xoxo - Ash
Cover image: Found here
